Take a Stroll… With Rob Delaney - The Pickup
Hello friends! If you stopped someone on the street and asked them what they thought about Rob Delaney, it’s a safe bet they’d say “Rob Delaney? Well, he sure does love to help people!” And they’d be correct; helping my brothers and sisters navigate this crazy world is at the very top of my list. You guys deserve it!
Another thing I like to do is fuck people with sex. Have you ever done this? It’s probably one of the nicest feelings there is. Kind of like sailing with friends on a beautiful spring day or eating a mango you pulled off a tree yourself.
BUT - you can’t just sex a person’s filth hole or wand without first getting them “on board” with your idea. You need a pickup line. Every great romance or bone sesh started with a pickup line, from Jesus and Mrs. Jesus all they way down to Angie and Billy Bob. Even your parents! (Yuck! JK, LOL your parents need and deserve to get their “F” on too, so grow up.)
Because you’re a personal friend of mine, I wanted to share with you some pickup lines that I’ve used over the years. Some have worked, some have failed, but I really wanted you to see under the hood so you know it’s a living, breathing process. Since I primarily try to sex women and ladies, these are mostly geared toward “the fairer sex.” But if you’re a homosexual man or a woman, just switch up the nouns with something that speaks to your bodyneeds and it should be “all systems go!”
I’m already very proud of you!
The Pickup Lines:
- Quick question: Is “Eat my fuck hammer” a good all-purpose pickup line?
- “I’d like to give that camel toe a pedicure” is proving to be an unusually successful pickup line.
- DO NOT USE THIS PICKUP LINE: “Bitch, I’m gonna throw a sex tomahawk at you.”
I was doing an interview once, and this guy goes, “So you must be pretty psyched about all this ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ stuff?”
And I was like, “Um, yeah, I am.” I have no idea why though. I had nothing to do with that movie. It’s just some people that kind of look like me are in this movie that everyone loves, and winning Oscars and stuff.
And then I was like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are white people just psyched all the time?” It’s, like, “‘Back to the Future’! That’s us! ‘Godfather’! That’s us! ‘Godfather Part II’! That’s us! ‘Departed’! That’s us! ‘Sunset Boulevard’! That’s us! ‘Citizen Kane’! That’s us! ‘Jaws’! That’s us! Every fucking movie but ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and ‘Boyz n the Hood’ is us! We are white people! Suck our dicks!” — Aziz Ansari, “Are White People Psyched All The Time?”
The comparison is surprisingly accurate…